Feeling Depressed.....

So since I rarely do personal posts on this, I thought, why not just pour out my feelings to a bunch of strangers on the internet?

I mean I do that daily with Instagram, but the caption limit of Instagram cannot contain what I currently feel. I will not use anyone's name in this due to- just no. No names. Names are unnecessary.

I am in my second semester of college. I live on campus, which is 2 hours (give or take) from home. I am in a completely different state. Last semester I dealt with depression, because it was the first time I was ever living away from home. I went to see one of the counselors on campus.

Right before college, I dealt with social anxiety. I went to see a counselor at home a month or two before college. It went well.

So being away for college has been a massive change in my life and I have been struggling with it. I really didn't have friends before college, but now I do and I'm grateful for them.

Something that I was never prepared for in college was crushes. Growing up, I rarely had a crush on people I knew. I was always attracted to older actors. I don't know, that was just what I wanted. I mean I still find myself attracted to some older men.

But I also have some crushes on guys my age, and a girl. YES. I had a crush on a girl last semester. I had US History with her and I thought she was cute, but this semester, I have not had any feelings for her.

I also crushed on one of my best friends. He was the light in my life during the worst times of my depression. I am so lucky to have him in my life still. I don't think I have anymore romantic feelings for him. I mean last semester and the beginning of this semester was bad. I had a few dreams regarding him.

1. The first dream consisted of me turning down Marc Anthony to spend time with said friend which I had a crush on.
2. Another dream was of my "perfect" life, which meant I was married/or just living with said friend and we were in love and I was also the director of a museum.
3. Then there was a dream when that friend left to go to the other side of the country and it left me broken.
4. There was a dream when we weren't even dating or anything, but I wound up being the surrogate mother of his child.
5. Lastly, there was a short and simple dream of my just signing my name and putting his last name instead of my own.

There has not been any dreams since then and I don't feel like I am crushing on him anymore.

REMINDER: No one can control who they crush on

So Gods forbid any of said crushes ever see this, LEAVE ME ALONE

Currently at the moment, I am crushing on this guy, I have never had a full conversation with him, but he's in my college's production of Hair, and being that I'm a crew member, I have to see him three times a week.

To be honest, having a crush on him is self explanatory. He is attractive. He could sing. According to my friend who has several other classes with him and worked in a play with him last semester, he's not a fuckboy, so that's good.

Gods forbid he ever finds this blog post. I just pray he doesn't track it back to me. It won't be that hard. There's only four of us on crew.

ANYWAY this crush is weird. Because last semester when I first "met" this guy, my friends all thought he was gay. Being that I don't have working "gaydar" I assumed with them and moved on. Even though I thought he was cute. One of my friends in my friend group had a crush on him and we were trying to find out his name. I saw him when I was doing laundry and I asked him his name. After that I left and forgot to introduce myself. Whether he remembers that or not is whatever, but I'm still embarrassed about it. My friend, who acted with him in a play, last semester, told me that he was straight, but I didn't crush on him. I just thought he was attractive. I heard him sing at an open mic, last semester, and let me just say CHRIST ALMIGHTY.

So now I have a huge crush on him and honestly, I don't know how to deal with it. Like I haven't been able to write. And today, my friend was showing me who she found on Tindr while we were in the Dinning Commons and he popped up and I lost my appetite, which I don't understand why that happened, but it did.

I don't know how to crush. My mom said I should talk to him, but honestly, with my anxiety, I'd probably die if that happened. Unless he started the conversation first.

My theater major friend who acted with said crush last semester and is also acting in Hair, has told me that the guy's type is cute hipster girls.

Which I am not. Like at all. I'm not cute. And I'm not a hipster. I wish I was both, but I'm not.

My friend keeps telling me that I am a hipster, but I'm not.

This is one of the worst crushes I've ever had and I hate it. I hate it with a passion.

Life was so much easier when I only crushed on my old rock stars and all I cared about was when Marc Anthony's next album was coming out.

To said crush, if you ever see this and you know who I am, never mention this, unless you are interested in a relationship. In that case, do you.

Michael Joseph Jackson

Before I start this post, I just want to say ANY hate will not be tolerated and will be deleted.

Michael in the Bad era

Michael Jackson is known for being one of the best singers and dancers to have ever walked the Earth.

Don't believe me? Listen to any song. Watch any performance. He always tried to do his best in his performances. Sure toward the Bad era and forward up until his death, he started lip syncing, but he still tried his best dancing-wise.

And whether you believe he ever lip synced or not is up to you. My high school music teacher was a roadie (and got to play guitar for two nights) for the Bad tour and he explained that Michael lip synced.

But I don't think it's a bad thing for Michael to lip sync when he was dancing. I mean it's hard to do either and to do both, must be death.

I wanted to write this blog about Michael because I was a huge fan of Michael. I still am. I mean I have several books and DVDs. I bought his autobiography. I had a die-hard crush on him when I was in first grade. But then my older brother came and started telling me about the allegations of Michael "touching little boys". I was in first grade, but it still put me off.

Now fast forward to 6th grade. It was a few months before he died. I was sitting in my science class (which I hated) and my teacher put on the video for "They Don't Really Care About Us", the version they shot in Brazil, not the prison version. Why he played that in a science class, I will never understand. It probably made sense at the time, but that was almost seven year ago.

After watching that video, I started getting into Michael again and it was pretty awesome for a while. I got my younger brother into him with me. We had the Wii and it had internet on it, so we watched the videos on YouTube on the TV.

Then on the day of my older brother's 8th grade graduation, a friend of his texted him saying that Michael had died. None of us believed it, until my aunt asked one of my neighbors who said "Yeah. Died of a heart attack".

Now this was before I was the emotional mess I am today. So I didn't really feel anything. Just ehn. But I was still a fan of his. And I think his death made me more of a fan. I learned everything I could about him. Reading books, including his autobiography, and watching documentaries. I watched all of his music videos.

My little brother bought This is It on DVD. Personally, I think it would look better as part of my collection, but he bought it with his money, so I can't say anything.

Michael in his outfit from "Black or White" and with the- I wanna say Jaguar- from the video

If you were to call me Michael trash, you would be right. I know a lot about him. Too much sometimes. That is probably why I didn't have friends in high school.

I think my favorite album of his is Invincible. I don't know why, because that was the one album I kinda stayed away from when I was a die-hard fan.

But now it's my favorite album. And it has (I never knew before I listened to the album) my favorite Michael song which is "You Rock My World". The video is right below.

The video features Chris Tucker, and if you ever get the chance, watch some of his stand-up. I remember him talking about Michael and it was a funny story.

Also, besides Michael being a great singer and dancer, he makes beautiful music videos. Every single one of his videos is like a mini-movie. And then we have Moonwalker, the movie, and Ghost, the mini-movie. There is also Captain EO, which used to be on YouTube. I don't know if it's there anymore.

The man is amazing. Again, I will reiterate, that any hate will be deleted. I will not tolerate hate on my blog, not just about, but about anyone who I post about. I don't care how you feel about the person.

I was thinking of not just doing album reviews, but also music video reviews. So look forward for those in the near future.

I have a new laptop, so I will be posting more, but I also cracked my screen last night, so being that it was a touch screen it glitches a little bit sometimes because of the crack and the screen needed to be popped back in. Hopefully, I can get it fixed ASAP. The touch screen really does help.

So expect album reviews and music video reviews of Michael. And if you want to suggest some, just leave a comment and or email me at carterburton64@gmail.com.

Dallon James Weekes

He is so goddamn beautiful.

I should not obsess over Dallon because I have a rule about my obsessions. They cannot be married. Dallon is married to Breezy (which I ship wholeheartedly) but he's so pretty and he sings. And plays music and is adorable and I can't deal!

His children are adorable. His son, Knox, looks just like him.

I promise not to make this a long post.
But then again, I could probably write pages about this man.
We'll see what happens.

Dallon James Weekes.

Okay, so I've been a Panic at the Disco fan since 2012(ish) maybe before. But I was definitely a fan at my great uncle's funeral, when I was a freshman in high school. Because at every funeral I have gone to (which is unfortunately a lot) I always listen to Panic!. They have managed to take me away from my "problems". That is why I think it's safe to say that they are my favorite band. I never have to be in the mood to listen to them. If I'm ever in the mood to listen to music, and I don't know what to listen to, I just put Panic at the Disco on.

But anyway. Back on topic!

I remember being a fan when the band was just Spencer Smith and Brendon Urie. HOWEVER, apparently, Dallon was part of the band when I first became a fan. Whether he was a FULL TIME member or not, I couldn't tell you.

But I "discovered" him for myself three or four years ago. I was on Instagram (when am I ever not on Instagram) and someone posted a picture of him and Amelie, his daughter, and the caption was something like imagine Dallon picking his daughter up from kindergarten. And from that day forward I was curious to learn more about him.

I didn't learn much besides that he was a member of Panic at the Disco, but at least I was now aware of him.

As time progressed, I realized that the man is very attractive, but I left it at that, because I didn't know much about him.

Fast forward to New Years Eve, 2013. Welcoming 2014. I was watching a plethora of New Years celebrations on TV. Dick Clark's Rockin' New Years as always, but I was also watching something in Vegas, hosted by Mario Lopez and Panic! performed. Spencer wasn't playing drums, which really caught me off guard. At the time, I didn't know that he was in rehab (and that he would never return to the band). I think Dallon might have been performing with the band that night, but I don't remember.

Now fast forward to mid 2015. I became more aware of Dallon. Even though he's not a "real" member of Panic! now, I noticed him more in the videos.

Fast forward one more time to early 2016. I added him and his wife, Breezy on Snapchat and have unintentionally been falling more and more in love with him. Again, I respect Breezy and I respect their marriage and relationship, but I really do appreciate him being an attractive and amazing human being.

During my Spring Break, I discovered "Mean Ol Moon", a song that Dallon covered on his album TWOMINCVRS. And I became obsessed with the album and bought it. I have been listening to all three songs non-stop. Yes. There are only three songs on the album.

Album cover for TWOMINCVRS

A few days ago I discovered that Dallon (with the Brobecks and Brendon Urie) covered "Skid Row (Downtown)" from the musical, Little Shop of Horrors. The download is free and you can find it here.

I will forever shamelessly advertise Dallon, as long as he keeps making amazing music/covers.

Coincidentally, Little Shop, is one of my best friends' favorite musicals. We really want Dallon and Brendon to do a cover of "Suddenly Seymour" and I'll probably end this post with a letter to them asking to do "Suddenly Seymour". And I'll probably do a petition to get it done.

Also, if you have never watched the Little Shop of Horrors film with Rick Moranis, I HIGHLY recommend it.

So that is how I fell in love with Dallon Weekes.

Dear Dallon Weekes and Brendon Urie

My friend and I have heard your cover of "Skid Row (Downtown)" from Little Shop of Horrors and we really love it. We were wondering if you guys would be interested in doing "Suddenly Seymour". We tweeted you both, but since you have an immensely large following on Twitter, you probably did not see it. We suggest that Dallon sing Seymour's part and Brendon sings Audrey. But of course, if you do decide to do it, it is all completely your choice of arrangement. We really hope you do decide to cover the song.

Thank you for your time,
McCartha Montieth

Let's all pray that they see this.

PRAY FOR ME
PRAY FOR US
PRAY FOR THEM TO COVER "SUDDENLY SEYMOUR"

I'M BACK!!! Again

I have gotten a new laptop!!

Yay! So I can start posting on this again.

Also, I started a new blog here.

So go check that out, if you want. It's all just writing. Mostly fanfiction- actually all fanfiction. I don't think I'll be doing any original work.

How are you guys? I haven't been on in a LONG time.

I was thinking of coming back for several reasons.

1. There was some blogs I needed to do.
2. I couldn't just abandon McCartha's World.
3. I missed this blog.

I have a few tumblrs that you can check out. Links are on The Bedroom Ballads blog. I'm too lazy to post them here.

I APOLOGIZE FOR BREAKING MY PROMISE OF 2016!!!

I cannot post everyday. I cannot commit to anything for the life of me.

Let me catch you up on life since I last posted.

DALLON WEEKES

I have become such Dallon Weekes trash it's amazing that I can function without listening to him constantly.

And I'm not even talking about him in Panic at the Disco. I mean Panic! is my favorite band and everything, but I have bought TWOMINCVRS and I downloaded his cover of "Skid Row (Downtown)" from Little Shop of Horrors, which I am currently listening to on repeat.

God bless that man. I mean I'll do a post about him later. But CHRIST. Breezy is such a lucky woman to be married to him and to share kids with him.

So I will try to post on this blog again.

But let me reiterate, I am in college. I am a history major and a theater minor. I am a crew member for my theater's production. We are producing Hair, the musical. I'm excited so I'll probably write a post about the musical.

ALSO I have listened to the Hamilton soundtrack and I really want to see it.

There is a lot happening in my life.

Like I'm considering making a petition for Dallon Weekes to do a cover of "Suddenly Seymour" with Brendon Urie, because they both did such a great job on "Skid Row (Downtown)"

Yesterday, made eight years since Panic!'s second studio album, Pretty, Odd was released, so I might be doing a post on the album and a "commentary" on each song. And seeing how well that goes, I might do that with other albums/sountracks.

So yeah. You have ALL of that to look forward to and more.

Happy Spring!
"Springtime for Hitler in Germany!"
(It's from one of my favorite movies/musicals. Relax.)